Friday, July 30, 2010

To Philippe with love, again

Its about time I’ll write something about Philippe, the only true Hippie I know. Hell, he has probably coined that term himself. Unfortunately, I can’t even share most of what I’ve learned about him and from him as most of it would be too extreme even for the internet. All I’d say is that he is an atheist who is strong in his belief, a Hedonist and part French (I’ll forever hold this against him). He currently resides in Dubai and off to India for a dentist appointment (I shit you not). I suspect he either works for the MI5 or he is an illegal brewer of potato based Gin. Possibly both, who knows. If you need a visual reference, imagine Bill Django (from The Men Who Stare at Goats) only twice as smart, funny and knowledgable.

I should start quoting him here more often. I feel blessed that his infinite wisdom is bestowed upon me and I really think that its better shared and spread across the world. Here is another example (and here is the previous one for those who missed):

Me: I'm going to a music festival On Saturday where I'd feel old with all the 20 something white-middle-class-girls flirting with all the 20 something white-middle-class-boys, but they can all suck my circumcised Polish-Yemenite cock

Philippe: Your appearance on the festival ground will send an electric shockwave of lust through the panties of all available chicks (and maybe even some guys) Your pheromones will increase the average humidity of certain body parts of the above mentioned girls, provided the wind comes from the right direction.

It will be an effort of sheer willpower to keep them away from you. They will offer themselves and their virginity on the altar of your lingam.

Now brother: stop being un broyeur de noir.

Its your heredity. Like the Polish Jewish schmuck in Warsaw whos bread slipped from his hands but landed with the buttered side upwards. He was so surprised of this unusual luck that he went straight to the local rabbi. This Rabbi, Schlomo, was also flabbergasted and consulted lots of old thoras, books, scrolls, asked the help of even more learned scholars. He came to this conclusion: the Polish boy had buttered his bread on the wrong side !

See, stop worrying. Its unhealthy and unhygienic. Like catholic priest and their celibacy. Get out of there brother. You have lost nothing in such foul rotten place. Its uncreative, will spiral you down. Wash yourself (and not in the juices of these virgins on the festival) and act. Yalla !

Well, what can I say? Garfield already said it better. Here is a song to you brother Philippe. I Hope the indian butcher has left something in your mouth or you’ll have to live on mussels for the rest of your life.

Still need to sort out who I should watch in Field Day’s impossible lineup. Also, some serious cock sucking is forecasted for tomorrow, I should better head to bed now.

Cloud Cult - Today We Give Ourselves to the Fire


Roi said...

Almost as good as the sory about the Jew that got stranded on an island. When they came to rescue him, after many years, they found he built himself a house, a tennis court, a swimming pool and two synagogues.
"We understand the house, the pool, the tennis court" they said to the man, "but why two synagogues?"
"Well," he said, "one synagogue I go to every Saturday to say me prayers, but the other one I swore I'll never set my foot in!"